I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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