Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
