hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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