There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
