i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
