So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
