So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well you can't waste a boner
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
