Ambien. No doubt about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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