I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
