SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
