He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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