The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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