I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
