That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
