Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
