I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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