drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
