Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
how does that bad decision feel?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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