i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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