I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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