fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
