i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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