A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
