I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
