Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
