pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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