I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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