There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
