I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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