During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
