Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
another moral hangover. fuck.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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