I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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