dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
