Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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