he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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