Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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