I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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