If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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