there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
