i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
