Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
