you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
