I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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