i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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