I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
