My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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