Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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