hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
birth control should be required to get into college
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
