How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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