You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
organizing the empties. That sober.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
