my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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