If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
