he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
