If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
