Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
