what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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