You're so nebulous sometimes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
