you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
