I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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