i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
