We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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