wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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