I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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