I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You need Xanax blowdarts
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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