why didn't you poke me back
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
