I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
